Ok, so I’ve already broken my promise to post more regularly than I did during my previous failed attempt at blogging, but I’m trying. Pretty soon, I won’t even need to add these pitiful disclaimers and apologies to the beginning of my posts b/c I…a) have improved b) won’t care. Hmmm.
I did a lot of thinking this weekend and have decided that I maybe think and question things too much instead of just letting them be and actually savoring the moment, as opposed to just going with the moment. Everything I do is just go go go….slow down!! It’s a character trait that I’ve embraced for years and I’m just now starting to see the cons. It’s a little jarring. I’m just used to processing new information quickly and then using it to accomplish something. I just go. I don’t breathe. I just do. I go after what I want. I get what I want. And I’m like…this oddly perfect example of the type of people our society is churning out and I hate it. This microwave society. I’m like instant mac n’ cheese. Maybe “moving with a sense of urgency” isn’t so great, especially if there’s no balance. Why do I have to do everything so quickly? Why do I feel that I need instant results? I used to be so into the journey and now I’m just obsessed with the destination…Why?
I just had that moment at the end of an amazing weekend. Not that I ruined anything, but I was instantly like…why did I just do that? Why can’t I just chill? Why am I like this? Especially when I stumbled through asking this question that really could’ve just stayed in my head. Like…I couldn’t figure out a way to basically ask for “more” even though I really should’ve just been content with what I was getting. As soon as the first word left my mouth, my brain was like “Please stop…don’t do this…please” but I forged on. Instant regret. And of course, I didn’t like the answer I received because it felt like rejection even though it wasn’t…and look, I’m just awkward ok? I can’t even relay this silly moment from this weekend in text. You get the point, I got the point, let’s move on.
Until next time…ugh.